The Freedom that Comes from Knowing Who You Are

This morning, I am remembering a conversation I had several years ago with an acquaintance whose words left a lasting impression on me. She is a brilliant, accomplished woman, with both a law degree and a Ph.D., and at the time, she was "just" taking care of her family. In addition to raising her children, she was also caring for their grandparents, who were having health problems, and also assuming a heavy work load in running the home because of her husband's demanding work schedule.

I spoke with her about my own struggle to adjust from being a career woman to a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, and how I was looking for some part-time work to reconnect with the professional side of me. I recounted to her some experiences when I had perceived someone else's surprise or disappointment that I wasn't working full-time, or that I hadn't taken advantage of great career opportunities since becoming a mother.

She understood, and she told me about how she had tried to do some part-time work, but had stopped because she felt that it was taking her attention away from her family. She had reached a point in her life where she realized that she no longer felt that she had to prove herself to anyone. "I know who I am," she said with a confident, relaxed smile. Her self-assurance and serenity blew me away. Rarely had I ever seen someone who was so at peace with herself, so sure of her decision, so clear about the person she wanted to be.

This post is not about whether moms should work or stay at home. Rather, it's about clarifying what's most important to us, what our gifts are, what our purpose is, and making sure that our daily activities are aligned with all of that. If we can figure out who we really are inside, what we truly care about, we can then make choices that allow us to be true to ourselves. When we have that self-knowledge - when we take the time to reflect on what matters most to us at our core - then we can free ourselves from the expectations of the world, from the need to appear accomplished or important or attractive or stylish or whatever else we're trying so hard to be. We can just... be ourselves.

When I feel anxiety creeping into my life, I try to ask myself, "Why am I doing this?" or "Why am I so worried about this?" Most of the time, I realize very quickly that my anxieties are related to things that I don't really, in my heart, think are all that important. This is not a lesson that we learn only once, but rather one that life reinforces over and over again. In other words, it's always a challenge to keep those anxieties in check, although it does get easier with practice.

If friends are coming to my house and it doesn't look exactly the way I'd like it to, I feel anxiety, and then I ask myself: will these friends really change their opinion of me if I have a pile of papers there and laundry piled on the couch? And if they will, are they really my friends? If I know who I am, should I care so much about what others think of me? If I know that my priorities are in the right place, that I'm spending my time the way it should be spent according to what I value most, then does someone else's opinion about my life matter?

Consider this an invitation to get to know yourself a little better. There is always something new to learn, some layer to discover under the surface, some new facet or insight or shift taking place within us. And with that new knowledge of yourself, may you find the confidence to say, in the face of life's constant pressures and demands and expectations, "I know who I am."